Saturday, January 26, 2008

Diabetes: Not Just For Fatties

Yesterday I went to the doctor because my penis (That's right I said penis. Penis, penis, penis. Grow up!) hurt. The good news is I don't have syphilis.

I called my mom from the doctors office. And she got all nosy like mother's do. Get this: she asked me 'How are you?' Geez, what's with the 9th degree (what the hell does this phrase mean anyway?), Ma? What's next mom?Are you going to ask me if my penis hurts?

Anyway this is how it went.

Mom: How are you?
Ryan: Diabetic

And I wasn't joking. The Doctor found ketones in my pee.

^Me: Ketones!? So Tom Cruise isn't full of crap!

Vietnamese Doctor with excellent English: You're thinking of 'thetans,' and yes Tom Cruise is full of crap. Have you seen 'Top Gun,' that movie's lame even by Vietnamese film standards.

Me: So I won't have to go to Venus for re-implantation?

Doctor: Ehh... no.
^the conversation may not have gone exactly like this, however the first conversation is word for word

After the ketone discovery the doctor took my blood and found a lot of sugar in it. (Here I was thinking about making a 'because I'm so sweet' joke here, but decided it was too lame.) It had little to do with how nice I am to everyone, but much more to do with the diabetes I have.

I asked about ten different ways if the results co
uld be an anomaly, caused by something else, or if the doctor was reading them upside down, but at the end of all the follow-up tests I had diabetes. Full on.

I have type 1 diabetes, most likely. So I'm going to have to prick my finger to test blood sugar and shoot up insulin several times a day. Today I shot up for the first time, and I gotta say I believe injecting yourself is easier than having it administered. The anticipation factor isn't there.

Good bye (I'm tearing up):


Wyatt said...

Well, that sucks... But now that you get to carry needles around, if you ever need a little entertainment just make me watch you give yourself a shot. I am known to align myself with the horizon at the site of needles, blood, cough syrup, peach skin... and tent poles (Fairwell Bend State Park, Fiddlers convention).

Malya said...

Well I guess we know it's not the lifestyle type of diabetes where you get it cause you are fat.
Man, I'm so sorry. That really sucks.
I'm thinking about you and missing you!

Katharine said...

I just can't help it, I've got to ask: Hey Ryan, how's your penis?

sylvie said...

I'm so glad I found your blog, cause I miss some good Ryan humor, sorry to hear about your penis, and Diabetes, hope you're doing well though!! Did you ever find PEE WEE again?

Evonne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Evonne said...

I am so sorry to hear this,are you okay now?I can't really understand whole article but i did laugh when the lame joke "I am so sweet".
but seriouly you should take care yourself and keep an eye on your daily diet.

I still dying to meet you 2 or 3year later,so TAKE GOOD CARE yourself,and dont die:PI gonna miss you very much.


Evonne said...

Its my blog;)
check it out and leave some comments!

Brittany said...

worry about the downer news. i promise i will never talk to you again about how lucky you are for being able to eat anything you want...

Jake said...

Sorry about your blood sugar maintenance levels. Don't run with needles unless you point them at other people. Are the Vietnamese still evil like they were in the 60's? Do you know what caused your diabetes? Can I get it from eating too many chocolate chips? Keep in mind they're usually semi-sweet. Is Tom Cruise diabetic? Maybe you got diabetes from being the kind of overweight where they spell it with a ph and it's more of a symbolic type of obesity. Did the doctor have to touch your penis? And if he did, was he a she? And if he was, was did she used to be a he? All of these are legitimate questions except for the statements of sympathy and advice and dietary information and speculation.

Anonymous said...

Ryan, I'm so sorry! That just really sucks!