Yesterday I went to the doctor because my penis (That's right I said penis. Penis, penis, penis. Grow up!) hurt. The good news is I don't have syphilis.
I called my mom from the doctors office. And she got all nosy like mother's do. Get this: she asked me 'How are you?' Geez, what's with the 9th degree (what the hell does this phrase mean anyway?), Ma? What's next mom?Are you going to ask me if my penis hurts?
Anyway this is how it went.
Mom: How are you?
And I wasn't joking. The Doctor found ketones in my pee.
^Me: Ketones!? So Tom Cruise isn't full of crap!
Vietnamese Doctor with excellent English: You're thinking of 'thetans,' and yes Tom Cruise is full of crap. Have you seen 'Top Gun,' that movie's lame even by Vietnamese film standards.
Me: So I won't have to go to Venus for re-implantation?
Doctor: Ehh... no.
^the conversation may not have gone exactly like this, however the first conversation is word for word
After the ketone discovery the doctor took my blood and found a lot of sugar in it. (Here I was thinking about making a 'because I'm so sweet' joke here, but decided it was too lame.) It had little to do with how nice I am to everyone, but much more to do with the diabetes I have.
I asked about ten different ways if the results could be an anomaly, caused by something else, or if the doctor was reading them upside down, but at the end of all the follow-up tests I had diabetes. Full on.
I have type 1 diabetes, most likely. So I'm going to have to prick my finger to test blood sugar and shoot up insulin several times a day. Today I shot up for the first time, and I gotta say I believe injecting yourself is easier than having it administered. The anticipation factor isn't there.
Good bye (I'm tearing up):